The Laughter of Old
by StarlitWave10
Summary: Modern AU: Maleficent and the pixies like in a retirement home. Chaos ensues. Send me your prank ideas, and I'll do my best to write them well!
1. Roll, Roll, Roll Your Chair

Diaval wasn't sure why he'd chosen this particular retirement home to work at. All he knew was that they paid the best, and as he was just there for the summer, the more money he could make, the better.

And besides, there _was_ that cute girl at the front desk who kept eying the raven tattoo that peeked out from underneath his uniform and onto the side of his neck.

On his first day, the Charge Nurse took him around the entire facility at a pace that would've been better suited to a Nascar track than a nursing home.

"Here's the kitchen, you'll pick up the food here," she droned. "Over there's hallway B, so all the room numbers begin with a B, similar to how all the room numbers in hallway A begin with A. Got that?" Diaval nodded, even though the Charge Nurse didn't even bother looking back. She stopped in front of B13. "This is Maleficent's room, she'll be your patient. Any questions?"

Diaval shook his head dumbly as the woman hobbled off down the hallway. As he reached for the door handle, soft laughter drifted out of the room. The voice was strong for an elderly patient, and he imagined her laugh must echo in her chest. Taking a deep breath, Diaval nudged the door open.

"Miss Maleficent?" He whispered to the only occupant of the room - an ancient - looking woman, dressed in black. Diaval noticed a pair of horns hanging on the wall, making up some kind of headdress. "Ma'am? My name's Diaval, I'm going to be-"

"Oh good, you're finally here," she crooned. "Come here, boy. I could use a pair of strong arms." She still hadn't turned around to face him. Diaval glanced sullenly at his bony arms before taking a few steps closer.

"What exactly are you working on?" From where he stood, it looked as though she were tinkering with an electric wheelchair.

"Nothing you need concern yourself with. Just hand me that wrench." She pointed with a long, thin, pale finger over to her table, which was littered with various tools. From his new vantage point, Diaval could see cheekbones sharp enough to cut anyone who dared try and slap her. Not that anyone would ever dare do that.

And it _was_ a wheelchair. One that looked like that ones they gave the patients who had too much trouble walking around.

"What are you-" Diaval began again, but Maleficent cut him off.

"Shhh, don't speak, that's not why I requested you. Here." She pushed the chair towards him, and Diaval finally managed a glance at her face. It was white and elongated, and somehow, the bright red lipstick she was wearing suited her, and made her look younger. Graying hair tumbled down her shoulders gracefully.

"Bring this over to the ladies over in the next room. I think they'll be quite excited with what you've found."

Diaval raised an eyebrow. "But I didn't find it. You had it." At that, Maleficent smiled, and Diaval found himself explaining to the strange ladies in brightly-colored dresses that he'd found their missing chair over by the stairs.

"Oh, Flittle, you useless handbag, why did you ever leave your chair by the stairs?" The lady in pink exclaimed. The lady in blue - Flittle - simply grabbed her chair and plonked herself down.

"I told you, I didn't. Maybe one of my butterflies took it out for a-" As she spoke, her fingers pressed onto the top arrow, the one that should've made the chair move forward. Instead, the chair shot backwards, knocking into the table.

"Oh come on, Flittle, get out of the chair," the lady in pink huffed. "Let me show you how it's done in the hallway."

She pulled the chair by its handles out through the door as Flittle insisted she _knew_ how to drive her own wheelchair.

"Obviously not. Now, look here, when I press this arrow, I'll go for-" But the rest of her sentence was lost as the pink patient shot backwards the same way Flittle had done, rolling down through the hallway, being chased by her two sisters. Diaval managed to stifle his chuckles, but through the commotion, he could've sworn he heard Maleficent's throaty cackle echoing through the hall.


	2. Sugar, Salt, And Everything Hot?

**This lovely idea came from Jeanna - hope you enjoy my take on it!**

There are two white powders in this world that are deliciously fun to mess with. Well, technically there are three, but we don't speak about the third one, that one does nothing more than cause a mess in your nose.

The first two, however, caused itchy thoughts to appear in Maleficent's head. So she scratched and wondered and thought about the best course of action.

She did that a lot until Diaval came along.

After he helped her almost wordlessly with her wheelchair plan, she immediately thought of the age-old prank, the one that never fails to elicit a laugh. From her, at least.

"Good morning, Mistress (he'd taken to calling her that ever since he learned she's a descendant of royalty). Any new ideas?"

Maleficent grinned wickedly at her tray. "As a matter of fact…yes…"

The plan was simple, and involved just a tiny bit of silence and tiptoeing. Maleficent remained in her room and watched through the peep hole she'd created just behind her mirror. For a moment, no one appeared, and then Diaval's behind came readily into view.

"Diaval," she hissed. "I can't see anything!"

"Oh! Right, sorry." He moved to the other side of the table, and, after a quick glance towards the door, swapped the sugar and salt labels, placing each on its opposite container. One more glance, and he was out the door and back in Maleficent's room.

They didn't have to wait long. After the wheelchair incident, all three bright ladies had insisted they each receive a hand-operated wheelchair, which moved faster than the electric ones were legally allowed to do. The three ladies soon rolled into their room, bickering all the while.

"No no, it was YOUR fault."

"How was it my fault?"

"Cause you're the one with the butterfly models. How else could they have gotten beneath my wheels?"

"Honestly, Knotgrass, I think you're over-"

"When have I ever been known to overreact?"

Maleficent and Diaval could barely hide their laughter. Diaval bent over, clutching his stomach, all the while keeping one ear open for the distinct, shrill yell of-

"_THIS COFFEE'S SALTY!"_

"Well, did you put in salt or sugar?"

"I took a spoonful of whatever was in the container marked 'sugar.' And it obviously wasn't sugar."

"Too bad, it wouldn't hurt to sweeten up your personality."

"Thistlewit, don't you make me throw your wheelchair down the stairs."


End file.
